Email #10 from Foz

So this week's email was hard to get through without crying. Parker is very passionate about the people that he serves and wants so badly to help each find their way back to the Savior Jesus Christ.


mom quit worrying about everything. im fine. ya my shoes are getting wrecked and my shirts are gonna get dirty. if you could see missionaries with a year to a year and half you realize that you hit a point where you dont care cause theres nothing you can do about it. everything i have is going to come back in much worse shape. yeeeessss i know elder havili. hes cool, in my district.
     i wanted to share today about my missionary work so far. im not going to write about baptisms i have or anything but ill take pictures of em and you can see them someday. i dont want to sound boasting or anything if i speak about them publicly. there going to be sincere to my heart and probably the hardest things ive ever worked for so i dont want to ruin there sacred meaning.
     i have been blessed with the gift of discernment. i was given this gift in the ctm after much prayer and studying. when i arrived here i watched a video with Elder Holland about how you should be able to tell everything about the investigator from there eyes. there the window to the soul. so for about a month ive been praying, fasting, and studying more about discernment. i have recieved of this gift. mom, i can look into someones eyes that i dont know the name of and can see what there feeling, need, and the pain they feel.
    we tracked into a ladies home and when she was walking from her door we made eye contact, i could feel her pain and she was calling out to me. when we got into her house to teach her, we found out shes catholic and knows much about religion but the whole time i could feel her pain. she needed to know God loves her and we love her. my companion who seems to be a robot sometimes jumps into the second lesson and i was astonished. i thought can he not see her pain. after a ten minute lesson that i could see did nothing for her he finished and as he went to stand up to leave i spoke up. the whole ten minutes he spoke i recieved an inspired simple question from the spirit and knew i needed to speak even though i had no idea what was going on. so i said a little prayer in my heart that i could even have a sensitive tone in my voice so she knew i loved her. i thought of the savior and how hed say it, cause hes perfect and even His tone is perfect for what times He speaks. so i simply said, i can feel you need something, what is it that you need more of in your life.  she looked to the right for a second, then just broke down crying. she cried for about ten seconds before she could muster up that she needed more peace, love, and alegria in her life. i replied that through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ she can have that. she said something back i dont know but i replied that God loved her and we loved her also, she continued to cry more and then replied something i dont know what she said but i said that we have the book of mormon that can bring more joy into your life. she cried more. i held a conversation with a woman for 30 seconds and i didnt understand a word she said, but i understood her eyes. we knelt and prayed with her and she said she felt more peaceful and you wanna here the best part we never went back and taught her cause we didnt invite her to be baptized and my companion doesnt feel the need to see her again. its been a rough week. we knelt and prayed with a 14 year old young woman and her boyfriend after a great lesson and she recieved her answer on the spot. she proffessed to us that we are sent by God and that the book of mormon is true and joseph smith was a proghet of God. then we showed up the next day and with her hand at her side i could see that the light i saw in her eyes after she prayed was not only gone but her eyes were darker. then she lifted her hand to reveal a cigarrette in her hand. we taught her the second lesson and she didnt care at all, asked her to pray and she refused. can you imagine my pain i felt last night, can you see me almost wanting to cry in front of a 14 year old girl, my sister, because she would choose her crappy life and not accept the gospel. when you have a spiritual experience with someone you form a bond that goes beyond this world. then these people just take it and throw it on the ground. my own sheep, whom im trying my hardest to gather. can you see me mom, i wake up at night cause im dreaming of these people and i cant sleep. i kneel for half an hour for these people and then lay in my bed and lose sleep over these people. that woman whos husband is cheating on her we see her everyday and she cries because she needs to take antideppressants because he calls her telling her its her fault. i was dreaming about her on wednesday, i dreamt of her pain. i woke up at 3 in the morning wanting to cry. i layed in my bed for a whole hour thinking praying for her. can these people not see that i love them, can they not see that i would die for them. yesterday i almost lost it. i realized why my comps a robot. he makes no connection with these people whatsoever, asks no questions because he knows in the end theyre just going to hurt him. hes not scared to ask the questions hes scared of how these people just openly deny you. im not struggling but right now i am hurt. i have to stare into peoples eyes and see that they need the gospel and stare into there eyes and see there pain then they just deny us. im going to give everything ive got this week, push myself even harder cause when we put ourselves out there Deus rewards our faith